Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. ~ Titus 2:3-5 ~
I woke earlier than usual, a feat, to be sure, since last May. Morning Bible reading, study, prayer, and journaling wrapped up remarkably early as well. I had a few ideas on how to proceed with my ahead-of-schedule day, however, I found myself feeling drawn to open Instagram, a task I usually save for later in the day. Right there at the top, a young woman I follow who has chosen to use her platform to encourage other homemakers, had lifted a challenge to her followers: Encourage someone in the comments today.
I scrolled through, browsing each reply, prayerful for the individual situations and trusting I would know if and when there was one God might be calling me to respond to…. and suddenly there was. A young woman, married a few short years and pondering purpose and whether God had withdrawn blessings because life was not going as planned. No babies yet. No homeownership, only rental. Ideas and dreams of what life would be at this point, lost somewhere in an abyss of confusion and dashed hope. My heart ached as her fears and worries rang close and almost instantly, I knew the response I must share:
NONE of my adult life has gone as expected….
The more details I shared to support my statement and the more others responded, I realized how much the message was needed. As women, we often plot and plan the path of our life before we’ve ever graduated high school. We just know the type of man we plan to marry, the children we will have, at one point we will purchase a house, and generally how we will walk out each day.
Then reality sets in.
We don’t marry when we expected.
The husband we were certain to have has habits we never expected to deal with.
Some struggle with infertility or when children do come they either have disabilities or behave in ways unexpected.
The money to buy a house is forever fleeting.
And somehow, we didn’t expect the day-to-day to be so mundane or challenging.
For the believer, we will torture ourselves with whether or not we are, in fact, where God intends for us to be – has he removed his blessings from me?
We forget how life is not about The BIG Light-up moments, or reaching goals at set points in time, or the picture-perfect family inside the picture-perfect life.
No. There is more to be said for the small things done well. For the waiting, redirecting, off-the-beaten-path traveling, trials, triumphs, and unexpected than most realize. It isn’t that a thing happens or doesn’t happen – rather, it is how we navigate it all.
When I married, neither my husband or myself were believers. I knew God but I chose not to follow Him. My husband had no affinity either way. He did think it was good for children to be churched and, as a result, I got the children in church which was where God got ahold of my heart. Yet, for 10 years I walked through life alone in my faith. My husband was not a super-engaged dad or husband and I prayed, day after day. Often times weary from the journey of trying to raise a God-honoring family in the face of a completely contradictory husband. Now, we have spent more years as a couple that prays together than not and His come-to-Jesus even led us into missions work for a season. Our story, both during and since, has been used by God to encourage other women in marriages where husbands do not follow as they do. It has been a story of persistence at the foot of the cross and perseverance to believe and hope the best for someone which even my own children have taken into their relationships/marriages. The trials were not without divine Witness and purpose.
Even owning a home, the oft believed rite-of-passage for every couple. Something which eluded us until we had married 17 years!!! We were blessed to at least rent houses (after our first apartment), though one was a duplex and for a season our tribe of 6 stayed with a family member while training for missions work… everywhere we lived, we treated it as our own and made it a HOME. We could never have dogs or cats until the kids were nearly grown, but we had guinea pigs, rabbits, birds, and goldfish. We may not have been able to paint walls or remodel rooms, but we hung pictures and sewed curtains. We welcomed guests, LIVED big, and loved hard. Not owning didn’t stop us from the ministry of the Lord, it didn’t make us less-than citizens. We lifted the space to the Lord and used it for His glory just the same. Our neighbors, church, schools, etc… God used it all. He didn’t care whose name was on the deed. He had us right where we needed to be for His Witness and purpose.
While children are a blessing – we shouldn’t have been able to have any due to female issues which ultimately led to a full hysterectomy at the age of 29, God gave us 4. Spitfires, free spirits, defiant, loving, sweet children. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. They challenged and pushed me in ways I never expected. They made life harder but they also made it richer. To not have children, when one deeply longs for them, I can only imagine the pain. And not everyone feels a call to adopt when the natural methods fail. I understand that. Now that my children are all grown and I am a semi empty-nester, I glimpse the loneliness and longing. I imagine it would be trite for me to say to the childless, “God has a plan for this, too.” … yet that would be true. It is a hard true when you are desperate for a warm squishy bundle of coos and squeaks to be placed in your arms. But it is still a journey which Christ is walking beside you in, bringing you to places and relationships you may not have otherwise found, for His Witness and glory and purpose.
I know, because life continues to challenge all my hopes and plans. The ideas I had for the empty-nest years… the bigger garden, the greater canning and homesteading, the writing, the creating, the book sale and craft sale attending with tent and table and goods and a day full of good spirits…. The grandbaby holding, lifting on my knee, the dough needing and cookie baking, the THINGS which make life rich and full and full of memory… that walk us to those twilight years and allow our eyes to gently drift shut, “this is a job fully and well done”. Husband’s hard work leading to better jobs, better pay, greater margin, more freedom…. And then Cancer. I celebrated 50, ready to stomp down midlife with the same zeal I was trajecting to stomp down empty nest. Cancer said I couldn’t carry my grandbaby to the changing table and switch out her diaper nor can I make the 8 hour drive whenever I want to give her cuddles. It says I can no longer garden without help, and I don’t have the needed help. It says I can’t sit all day in a canvas chair and smile and greet crowds from a sales booth. Cancer says our extra money doesn’t belong to us, it belongs to labs and doctors and pharmacists. It says I can’t do a lot I expected to do. It says I may not fill my memory banks and twilight may never come.
But God says I’m not built to fill a bucket list – I’m built to follow and worship Him. It isn’t about the kids or the home or the husband… it matters not whether I garden or lift or build. We are sojourners, like the Israelites of old, not in houses but in tents, traveling through this life until we reach the next. A lack of manmade milestones met is not a lack of blessing, rather, it is the off-the-beaten-path journey God has led us to in order to open our eyes, set in us a light, and introduced us to unexpected ways to shine.
It is the hard and unexpected, the no’s and not-nows, where I believe we often find the realist closest moments with God. He is reminding us how it is not our strength, our agenda, or our timing – rather, it is His, His, His. Sometimes it doesn’t feel better this way but when we live with eternity in our sites, we realize quickly how it truly is better this way. We are martyrs to expectation and vessels of Hope. Finding new attitudes, mindsets, and focus with every unexpected which comes our way.
Emmanuel, God is with us, we talk about it at Christmas but it is a promise for the whole year for the whole of our lives. He cries when we cry, he laughs when we laugh… He is our hope, our purpose, our benchmark… all else is what we do along the way as we are passing through, doing it well for His glory.
Washing dishes whether you own the sink or rent it.
Cooking the dinner whether you grew the ingredients or bought them.
Changing the diaper whether the baby is healthy or un.
Loving on a husband whether he knows how to love well in return or not.
Doing anything even hobbies or jobs or day-to-day, whether single or married or longing for a child or missing the ones you have… as working for the Lord because knowledge of Him and joy in the simple is the greatest magnification no matter our circumstances.
Being a Titus 2 woman is simply learning to walk with a heart anchored in God and doing all from that solid point… showing others how to do the same along the way.
A verse that encourages me in an unexpected life comes from Paul’s parting words to the Philippians:
Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. ~ Philippians 10:11-13 ~
Make the plans, do the things, but hold it all loosely and Trust. Most importantly, know how to live in every circumstance… and give yourself grace as you learn. I’m not here to tell you all your dreams and plans will come true – some may, some may not - I’m here to testify that peace will prevail for those who persevere… and a Christ-anchored peace is more filling than any perfectly met plan.
How can I pray for you today or encourage you?
Blessings,
Are you looking for a Bible reading/study plan, I have created a new 30-day reading plan walking through the book of Matthew! Click on image below or visit our “Resources” page to download your FREE copy today!
Before you leave, check this out as well....
My newsletter has relaunched with EXCLUSIVE content and behind-the-scenes info as well as early scoops on coming projects across our platforms. Be sure to sign-up in the subscription box on our side-bar!
By the way... do you or someone you know homeschool? I have a growing book series on the topic! Click on images to learn more....
